Frustration (part 2)

I feel as though this could be an ongoing topic!

When last I talked frustration, it was because KRH was in a frustrating phase. Lots of tears and not a lot of sleep, which is a combination that wasn’t much fun for anyone. Furthermore, he wanted to be held all the time, by which I mean, literally every second of every day. He also wanted to be nursing for about 90% of that time, even though he wasn’t really eating, just sucking. My wife slept in the easy chair a few times, just so he could stay attached to her.

Since then, we’ve had a bit more success. We’re learning to burp him harder and longer to help with gas. We’ve changed her diet to try and cut out some of the foods that might bother him. And we’ve learned new techniques to help get him to sleep, namely switching between walking and bouncing him before putting him down.

All this, though, requires both time and energy, and my wife and I had a 4 am conversation one morning, the result of which was that she needed more help. So, at least for a while, some things changed. Less time for me at the library and the gym. Naturally I don’t enjoy those things, but if she needs the help then I’ll be there. We’re still trying to make time for me to do the self care things I need.

I was able, last week, to finally finish my NaNoWriMo draft. It took about 6 weeks and came in at 81500 words. That’s not bad for 6 weeks. I’m about to engage in a first read through and fix to tidy up some details that changed in the telling, and also to add a few missing scenes. Some of the work on it was done one-handed while holding KRH. Turns out my typing speed while holding a baby isn’t that good, but I felt really good about the effort of holding a sleeping child and writing. It was a reminder that, although the two goals of a successful writing career and parenting a young child can feel mutually exclusive, they’re not totally so.

Still, over the next while I expect to be somewhat disappointed with myself about the amount of time I have with my butt in my chair and my fingers on the keyboard. There’s not really a good way around that; I have expectations of myself, both for writing and for parenting, and the parenting will have to come first, especially for now. Still, I can and will find the time to keep working, even if it won’t be at the pace I want. And really, a lot of parenting will come down to managing my expectations about a lot of things, and treating myself with more empathy. I think that might be a good skill to learn anyway.

 

Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *