Parenting after Trump: my manifesto

I sat down to write this article on Saturday morning. I hadn’t written a thing since Tuesday. I don’t intend to use this blog to talk politics, but I can’t not respond to this election on a personal level, or how it’s going to relate to KRH. I don’t live in the US (I’m Canadian) but the election left me feeling fearful and a little broken. It wasn’t that I had no idea this could be the outcome. I just didn’t spend any time considering what it would be like afterwards.

So now it is afterwards and I’m feeling terrified. I’m scared a lot of people (People of colour, LGBTQ people, people with disabilities) are going to get hurt. I’m worried about the wave of racism and misogyny Trump is normalizing. I’m concerned about his fitness as president, and I’m scared about his plans (or lack thereof) for climate change.

All of this is filtered through my relationship with KRH. I fear the world I’m going to be raising him in. I worry about what he’ll see and absorb and have to live through. And living in Canada is no defence. It will come north. There are people who are happy to bring it and they already have.

For a few days, this worry has been terrifying. I’ve felt depressed and hopeless, even as I see other people rallying and hardening themselves to fight. Now I have to be done feeling paralysed. I’ve decided to create a manifesto for myself, about how I want to react in the days, months and years ahead. Here it is.

I will include diversity in my writing 

As a white dude, I’ve never struggled to find characters like myself in books, TV and movies. But not everyone is that lucky. About two years ago I realized my work didn’t reflect the world around me. Since then I have tried to educate myself about people different from myself and include them in my writing. I’m never going to stop doing that and I’m never going to stop learning how to do it better than I have been.

I will use my privilege to help and defend others

I’m a white, able-bodied male with a wife and child. I also identify as queer, but I generally appear pretty heteronormative. That puts me pretty close to the top of privilege mountain. I need to be aware of that privilege and I need to learn how to use it to help people who have less of it than me.

I will speak truth to darkness

I will name racism, misogyny and more by what they are when I see it. I don’t know if I’m tough enough to seek out these things and challenge them outside my circle of friends and family, but I will do what I can to educate the people around me. Furthermore, I will listen to and amplify the voices of LGBT, PoC and disabled people.

I will reflect these beliefs with my vote

The ballot box is where we have a huge impact. I will always vote, and I will vote to reflect my values of justice, equality and lifting up those less fortunate than me, rather than voting for what might help my wallet.

I will share my values with KRH

This is maybe the most important part, but. It’s also going to be the toughest. You’ll note I didn’t say I will raise KRH to have my values. I believe strongly in equality, but I also believe that I can’t just tell my son to be a feminist, or to be inclusive, or any of the other important things I believe in. Instead, I have to teach him about compassion, and empathy, and that although other people may look or act different, that we cannot fear the other. I believe that if I can model these things for him, and to help him understand why I find racism and misogyny so abhorrent, that he will choose to make those beliefs his own because they are right, not merely because I told him so.

So that’s it. My own private manifesto. I look forward to the day I can start to discuss these sorts of things with KRH, though at the same time, I really hope that by the time he’s old enough to understand them, the world will be on a different track.

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